Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Two Lives That Decided to Live

A day before today, 16 years ago, my husband and I were signing the final papers on our first home. We ran from here to there, making sure all those important details were done; getting the power turned on and changing our address. This all happened in the eleventh hour. We were to be out of my childhood farm house the very next day. My parents had sold it and the new owners were moving in.

I was starting to feel a little discomfort in my ever-growing belly and thought...‘this is going to be easy. I can do this. I'm strong and healthy’. The last night I would ever sleep in my childhood home is the night the rest of my life began.  Childhood was over.

It started to storm and the pains in my belly increased. My husband called our midwife and we timed my contraction. She suggested we stay at home and do most of my laboring there. The storm continued as did the one inside of me.

Early the next morning the contractions told us it was time to go. The only easy part about Emma was raising her. But I would do that birth all over again knowing I’d have the daughter I do today.

Not many of you know but she and I were very close to not making it. It was a scary moment for all those who were assisting us. I only remember a few things in that fog. I remember my midwife yelling to me, “Talk to your baby! Talk to your baby!” They had taken her away and they were all around her working on my new creation. I saw little pieces of her, an arm, a leg. I called out to her, not understanding why but obeying. “Emma…Emma…Mommy is here.”

Thankfully the midwives were full of knowledge and got her little heart going and got her breathing. Then one looked over at me. I remember fading.  I can still see myself in a room, seeing it all.  Seeing me, my baby and my husband. I remember seeing the midwives. I was there and I wasn’t. I was happy and calm. There was some loving force surrounding me. Someone from somewhere was with me. She/He was reminding me I was new a mom. That I had always dreamed of this moment. The day had come. I was there living it. Everything seemed so innocent and peaceful.

I won’t go into details of what happened next because sharing it might chase the peace away but know that through it, I was calm. Someone was holding my hand. Someone was talking to me. It might have been my husband but through him some other force was there too.

I think I would have been okay about leaving this world if she would have come with me. It wasn’t our time though. I was released back into the world because I was to be a mother on earth and my first born had a mission to fulfill. I had to help her do it. Emma is living it. She is an amazing young lady. More than I could ever be. Her soul is of a tortoise or wise owl. It’s full of knowledge and perception. She will continue to lead and bring light wherever she steps. She is my constant calming force.

The farm is sold, my childhood is over but with my daughter my life began 16 years ago.

Happy Birthday my little Emma. You are now 16! I cannot believe it!  You have given me 16 years of joy, laughter and proud moments. How my life would be empty without you. And, no, you may not move to Europe. But you know you have my support if that is where the winds carry you.  I LOVE YOU!!!