'The Cold Room' is now available in book form!!

My book, 'The Cold Room', is now available in physical form on Amazon! YAY!! We did a little alteration of the cover, giving credit to our very talented Bella who took the picture and included my maiden name which is Hašek. My father's people came from the old country of Czechoslovakia and were gypsies, and for those who have read the book, you now understand who I might be :) For those who still might read it, you are in for a treat!  ;) Having my book made the old fashioned way makes me most happy because I'm an old soul and I love books - heck I hoard them. Even though I have a Kindle, I still buy real books and visit book stores and go hunting for that perfect bookmark. Truthfully, I hardly ever use my Kindle because I still love feeling the weight of a book in my hands, and smelling the pages. I love turning the paper as you finish a page & nothing is better than closing a good book after it's over and hugging it tight in your arms. So for you old souls out there, I hope you hold my book tight and I hope you read and reread it over and over and over.  And if you're ever in the area, I'll sign it for free if you wish. 

 Thanks so much for all the love and support I've already received! My heart is so full! Please buy, please read, please spread the word and please post reviews on Amazon & on Goodreads! Thank you soooo much! You guys are soooo awesome! 

http://www.amazon.com/Cold-Room-Balancovat-1/dp/153299902X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1463144342&sr=8-1&keywords=the+cold+room

My Book Launch Day! Today has really come!

What a beautiful day already! I can't believe this day has truly come. My heart is so full. I'm trying to control my tears but they are such happy ones I will let them fall today.

Today is my birthday & the day I have dreamed about for so many years. It's the day my very 1st book is out for the world to read. I have mixed feelings about this as it's been my baby for so long and my characters have never left me. It's hard to let them be go for others to know and judge. Constructing this book has been such a haunting experience. Friends & family & those who are just starting to know me, please know, this book is my heart and holds so much of me in it. So many pieces of my life are tucked into the Balancovat history.

Please know this book is not perfect. Mike (my husband) and a few dear friends were my editors. We looked into a professional one but we were unable to come up with the funds. I feel my own editors did an amazing job and I couldn't be more pleased.

I'm so thankful for those readers who where with me from the very beginning. It was a rough start but they stuck by my side because they knew there was a story in there somewhere. I needed them more than they will ever understand.

I couldn't have done this without the love I felt from hundreds of miles away. My parents are such amazing people and the hardest working couple I have ever known. Never once did a phone call not include something about my writing and my books. They kept my dream alive and pushed and encouraged me along. When I was a young girl they gave me the experience of living on a farm which is the setting of my book. They let me explore and make up my own stories and run and fly and live. They never once stepped on my dreams. They are such perfect examples for me to follow. I love them so much! 

I couldn't have done this with without the love and support of my children. They prayed hard for this book to happen. They acted out the story in plays, they made paper dolls of my characters, drew endless pictures and some even used their own birthday wishes on my dream. The days I'd get discouraged, they would slip notes under my door telling me to never give up and they believed in me. They carried me through the hardest times. They've been my loudest cheerleaders and carefully carried my heart when it was broken.

Lastly I want to thank my husband. (I'm crying so hard as I type this). Without him this book truly wouldn't have happened. He was hard on me but it was because he believed in me and he wasn't going to let me throw this dream away. He knew I needed it and he knew I had a story to tell. So many arguments were a result of my stubbornness and he telling me I was doing it wrong. This conversations is embedded in our minds as it happened all the time and still does to this day. Mike: "You just can't say it that way, it's not correct!" Me: "but that's how I see it in my mind!" I'm starting to believe everything he tells me. He's always right. I adore him. No one else would have ever gone through this with me. Like my parents, he lets me fly. never once has he tried to clip my wings. I never really knew myself until I married him. I love you, Mike!  

I hope you all will enjoy my book. Wren is such a dear girl to me. Her life is my life in many ways. Knowing her is knowing me. I hope you will take a chance on her. I hope she brings you adventures and headaches and frustrations but mostly I hope she keeps you cheering for her. I hope you fall in love with her. Thank you for all your love and support! It means the world to me! Below is the link to my book. I hope you will enjoy it! (the selected images are not mine).

http://www.amazon.com/Cold-Room-Balancovat-Book-ebook/dp/B01E34860O/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1460550208&sr=8-2&keywords=filetti

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA!!!

19 years ago today, I became the person I dreamed about all my life. I couldn't wait and it was Emma who made that happen. 3 was the magic number. 

Emma has been such a joy, a light, an amazing child full of life and determination. Ever since she was little she has been independent, and always doing things her own way. She's smart, talented, and beautiful. I still see her running around the house with pink bunny and her gaga's (pacifiers). She used to carry them everywhere. She believed in fairies, dreamed of being Cinderella, and pink was her favorite color. Her hair was thin and always a wispy mess, her cheeks were chubby and rosy, and she loved the PBS show Arthur. 

When she got a little older, she learned how to read at a young age and before we knew it, she was devouring the American Girl books. We bought her one doll (Samantha, her favorite), but that wasn't enough. Samantha needed friends so Emma worked hard to earn money and every year she had enough to buy another American Girl doll. 

Emma has always been such a hard worker, and one who makes goals and doesn't stray away from her mission to achieve. In high school, a talent awakened and she went with it. She tried out for community plays and always got the parts. Her talent grew even more when she preformed in her high school. 

In high school her eyes were opened to the injustice around her and she extended her hand to the outcast, the lonely and the abused. She is loved by so many. It was here she realized she could make a difference in the world. 

Now she's all grown up and working 2 jobs, plus she gets up at 5am to take some of her younger siblings to an early morning church class before school each day, then takes them on to school. She comes home showers for her jobs and then doesn't get home until after 10pm. She does this every weekday with never a complaint. This January, she leaves on a plane for college in Idaho. There she will begin her new journey and it will be there where she learns how she can make an impact in this world. I know she will. 

I can't even let myself think about the day we send her off. How I'll miss her cheerful chatter, our night visits about her day, and her little surprises she likes to give because she's thinking of us. Do I worry about Emma?, sure I worry because that's what mom's do, but it's nice having a peace in my heart that she's going to be just fine. What an amazing woman Emma has become. This next chapter in her life will surely rock the world as she spreads her wings. 

I love you, Emma! I'm proud of you! Happy Birthday my little Gert the Squirt! You make my heart sing!







   

The Dark Intruder of the Night

Last night I was woken by a tiny squeaky noise and the flapping of wings above my head. I reached over to wake my husband but he was gone. I quickly flipped on the light and, to my fright, something came swooping down at me. I made my escape to the bathroom where I cracked the door and watched the little creature circle my bedroom. I stressed about what to do for I knew I couldn't leave it the master of my chamber. Finally resolved, I climbed my through the messy adjoining bedrooms and down the back stairway and through the library, where our ghost resides. Mr. Ghost is an old man who smokes cigars and doesn't like visitors in the late hours. I somehow escaped his snare and the chill that follows you if you enter his room. I found my husband in the next room sound asleep in the game room with his prized toy glowing in the background. The X-Files music fit the mood. "Mike!" I whispered, and upon my voice he jumped up. I told him of my resent endeavor, which he replied, "only you, Carrie, only you. Now where is that worthless cat you love so much?"

I found Poppy outside eating a frog. She growled when I snatched her up and she continued to do the same as I ran her upstairs where I cracked open the door to make sure the coast was clear. Mike was know where to be found and I whispered out to him. "Turn out the light," he said. We crawled into bed and I pulled the covers tight to my chin. "I assure you I saw what I saw." I told him. Within seconds he too heard the noise and we both froze as Poppy made her decent on the creature. "No!" I cried, "you can't let her eat it!" I flipped on the light against Mike's instruction and Poppy darted from out of a corner and retreated to the other side of the room. "Worthless cat," Mike mumbled. We found the little intruder behind a nightstand all founded up and tucked in so tight. We wondered what to do next and if it might have rabies and if it's teeth were sharp. As Mike grabbed a legal pad to smash it, I grabbed a bucket (which happened to have skulls on it) to catch it. The next few minutes would have won us a slot on America's Funnies Videos but we caught the devil under the bucket and we used the legal pad to slide under it. "Can we keep it?" I begged. In my mind I remembered the most adorable vintage bird cage I had in the shed. It being a tiny square thing with turquoise details. I always pictured a little finch in it but the monster under the bucket was ten times better. I didn't have to hear Mike to know the look on his face told me, "Absolutely not!" We ran the thing downstairs and opened the outside door and released the monster into the night. We didn't even see it take off in flight as the night was so dark and rainy. When Mike and I went back to bed, I whispered to my husband, "thank you Dr. Van Helsing," which he replied, "You are very welcome, Lucy."      

My Year of Getting Back in Shape

Rarely, did I have a moment to myself. With my husband away at law school, and me at home being mother and father to seven children, you can only imagine what life was like at times. I won't go into details; just know time for me just wasn't happening. (This picture is of me at my largest).

This time last year, Mike started doing an online fitness program and when he suggested I start doing it too, I was offended. How dare he suggest I add one more something to my plate that was already overflowing with responsibilities. The last thing I wanted to do was exercise, even though I didn't like the way looked. I hated looking in the mirror. My petite frame of 5' was no longer so dainty. Still, the thought of exercising was exhausting. 

I'm the kind of person who is a bit reserved when it comes to a new task because once I put my mind to something, I don't usually stop. I tend to turn into a machine until it's finished. So when I'm truly on board with something, I'm doing it 100%. 

I will never forget the day I started. I opened up the link Mike had sent me months ago to the free online fitness program called Hasfit. There I listened and followed my personal trainer, Coach Kozak, as he got me started on this journey. For the first 30 days, I faithfully did as I was told, hoping to see an improvement and though I felt better and stronger, I lost no weight or inches. After that 30 days, I felt discouraged, yet I moved on to the Warrior 90 day workout plan and for 90 days I got my butt kicked but I hung in there and I faithfully worked hard. This is when I started to see the first pounds drop and the inches leave. For 120 days I had been working faithfully giving it my all. http://hasfit.com/

When the weather started to warm up, I wanted to take to nature at times so I also took up jogging. I had been a runner in college and did 5k's for fun but after I got married and started a family, I stopped. Running was hard now, because I hate it. It's all mental for me. The entire time I would ask myself why I was doing this horrible torture, yet, I kept running. I started with a mile and then worked up to 2 then 5. I reluctantly agreed to race in a 5k with some lady friends and to my surprise, I did very well. This gave me a new motivation, to keep doing Hasfit and keep running. Soon my clothes were literally falling off of me. My size large tops just hung, and my size 10 jeans fell right off my hips. I couldn't believe I was fitting into size 6 dresses again! 

Now, nearly, a year ago from when I started, I weigh 105lbs because I've lost 40lbs! And wear a size 2 in jeans. Those dresses I bought while in the middle of this journey don't even fit anymore. That size 6 is too big. I now wear a 2 or extra small. 

People ask me how I did it, which is the reason for this blog entry. They ask what pill I took, what did I eliminate from my diet, heck, did I stop eating completely. Folks, this is the honest truth, I didn't take a pill or eliminate anything. I love sugar and I love bread and meat and creamy sauces. I love food. But I did teach myself that it's okay to not finish everything on my plate and to stop eating when your body tells you it's satisfied. Sure you want more of that pie or that other taco would be so tasty but your body doesn't need it. I cut my portions in half. I still ate what I normally did but not as much. I slowed down and I listened to my body. I never thought I would be satisfied with a 1/2 cup of ice cream but sometimes, that 1/2 cup is even too much. Sometimes all I need is a spoonful. And yes, I exercised.

It feels good to be healthy again. It feels good to have done something for me. I like to go shopping again. I love to pull on a size 2 in jeans and zip and button them with ease and for me to question if they are truly size 2's only to see they are! This was the best thing for me to do for myself. Being in my 40's was once depressing but not anymore. I like who I am. I liked finding myself again. 

Was this a hard journey? I'm not going to lie, you bet it was hard work. It should be and it still is. It took a year of dedication but it's been worth it. Next year will come, whether we are healthy or not. You might as well do it healthy and feel amazing in the end. 

Now on to that 10k! Who wants to do it with me!    

A New Year of Goals and Dreams

 Has it been nearly a year since my last post? WOW! Hopefully with the new year on it's way, I will do much better and keep you readers up to date on the goings on in my neck of the woods. First, I wanted to send out a 'Thank You' to those who messaged me asking why I had stopped my blog. Some of you, I had never met and didn't know you followed. You will never understand my excitement to know I had folks out there reading my words. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me and get me motivated again. 

I have to believe my lack of motivation for my blog came when I decided to leave my literary agent. Sadly, she didn't deliver as I had hoped. Apparently, there was more who had the same concerns as I and the way this agent handled her business. She lost many of her clients when the renewal of contracts came back around.  Since the great exit, books have been published without her and new agents have been found! I'm so proud so many of my literary friends didn't let this experience hold them back. They are getting the recognition they deserve and their stories are being read.

For me, I almost gave it all up. I was devastated, and I couldn't imagine starting all over again. Thankfully a publishing house heard about me and a dear lady asked for a sample. I sent her a piece of my YA book and she was hooked, but that's all I can say for now. It's not a guarantee and I have some work to do. I have hope this might be my year. So, I continue on with the plan my stories will meet the masses and they will touch hearts and fans will keep turning those pages.


 Thank you to all who root and cheer me along. It has been a journey, and one that isn't finished yet. 

To all of you new authors out there, let me give you a tiny bit of advice from someone who learned it the hard way, please...PLEASE, I beg you, do your homework when you search for an agent. I know how excited you are when you get one who finally says 'yes' but that yes can turn disastrous if in the wrong hands. Look at their website and search to see what books they have sold, if any. Talk to others before you get too excited. If something doesn't feel right, it might not be. There are some awesome literary agents out there who will move you on the right paths to publication and then there are some who will sit on your hard work and do nothing and tell you lies. You deserve to know what they are doing for you and they should be honest.

Thank you friends for visiting me again! Now on to those edits! 

   

Nothing like Vintage Valentines!

My heart will always be with the retro Valentines! They were the cutest! Today's Valentines don't carry the personality they once did.

One of my favorite times of the year was the Valentine exchange in grade school. I had so much fun decorating my box and getting it just perfect.



I loved getting the list of names of my classmates who I would give a special little card too. I couldn't wait to see the collection I would get in my box too! It was always a mishmash of fun and colorful designs that made my brain pop with excitement. I wish I still had every single one. Sadly I'm sure my mom did a bedroom clean out and they'd get tossed away because I would never throw them away.

Thankfully we have eBay and yard sales and flea markets. It's been fun collecting pieces of my past again. Here are tiny few from my collection that I remember as a little girl.

I hope you all have a beautiful Valentines Day

Dreams Come True! 'The Making of Nebraska Brown'.

What an exciting day for my dear friend Louise Caiola! Today her book, THE MAKING OF NEBRASKA BROWN, comes out! I can only imagine the excitement she and her family must be feeling at this very moment. I'm so happy for her. Louise and I meet a few years ago as we shared the same literary agent. We have both moved on from there but have stayed close as writer friends. She has been such an inspiration and I adore who she is.

I was one of the lucky ones who got to read the ARC from the publisher, Immortal Ink Publishing. What a beautiful story! It will be one I treasure and read again and again.

This is my review:

"Living in Italy with Tommy would be any girl's dream come true, but to Ann Leigh a forgotten past begins to come alive, making her perfect life not so right anymore. Flashes of America's bread belt, a boy named Shane, and a pregnancy she knows was hers, drives her to find out who she really is...and then she remembers the fire.

From the beginning this story captured me with its pure beauty. It is obviously written with great love, thought and skill. What an amazing author Louise Caiola is! Too often I don't fully attach myself to characters but I couldn't help but love the ones who were brought to life in 'The Making of Nebraska Brown'. They were real. I never struggled bringing them into my heart and mind. They where beautifully flawed, making them believable as if they lived right next door. I could relate and felt myself wanting to extend my hand out to these characters in hopes to be there with them.

It has been days since I finished this book and the story is still on my mind. That lets me know I've read an instant classic. 

I will treasure this book. It has earned a place on my shelves. I can't wait to read more of Louise Caiola's works. What an amazing author! I am a fan!" 


Please pick up your copy today! You won't be disappointed! Follow the link to get your ebook or paperback! Congratulations, Louise! You deserve this! YAY!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Nebraska-Brown-Louise-Caiola/dp/1938750772/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

My Literary Hero and My Literal Hero

There are many authors I look up to. But the one who stands alone from all the others, who shines a little bit brighter than the rest, the one who changed my literary experience, is an author from my childhood.

Most don't know this but when I was a child, I struggled with reading. Books were very scary to me. They were homework or something that kept me from exploring the outdoors. Instead of reading, I made up stories in my mind and to me, my stories were always better than the ones I was forced to read.

I wish I could remember why I came home with a certain book one day, but I do remember being excited. It must have been because I was a tomboy and I liked animals and I was always looking for an adventure. This book was about a boy and his dogs and they lived on a farm like I did! All the other books I tried to read were supposed to be funny, but I'd never laugh, or they were all about girl stuff I was terrified of.

I still remember my parents letting me stay up late one warm night to finish my book. I think they were just excited to see me wrapped up in a story for once.

I can still feel my tears as they ran down my cheeks and I can still feel the book in my hands as I held it tight to my body. I can still smell it and feel its pages. And in my heart, I can still feel the joy of finally connecting with a story, with an author. I read this book over and over and over.

Now that I'm an author, I try to write in the way that Wilson Rawls taught me. From him I learned emotion in a story is important, characters need to be solid, likeable and real, and your setting has to take you to a place you can see and know.

Owning an original signed copy of his book, 'Where the Red Fern Grows' has been a dream of mine for years. Wilson Rawls saw things the way I did when I was a little girl. Even though I never meet him, he understood me.

This weekend one of my older brothers paid our family a visit. In our younger years, Craig was always that big brother who watched over me, who asked where I was going and what I was up to. In my teens, he even cleaned one of his guns in front a date. I always smiled when someone came up to me and said, 'are you Craig's little sister?' I always answered with a proud, “Yes!” He was a dream come true when it came to big brothers. I treasure each memory I make with him.

You can only imagine how he touched my heart when he handed me the one book that changed my literary experience! It being signed by the one author I admire more than all others! Craig's giving heart allowed a dream I never imagine coming true to happen.

My heart is full. My eyes are still wet with tears. My soul still leaps for I now have a piece of history from a man I owe so much of my writing to. I know Wilson Rawls is happy I have one of his treasures.

I'm grateful for heroes in my life and I'm grateful for one I can call my big brother!

Thank you, Craig!

Halloween Card Exchange

Even in a world of instant communication through emails, snap chats, twitter and more, I still appreciate the good old mail box. I love the walk down the road to it and the feel of opening the mailbox flap. I love to look inside in hopes of something special waiting for me.

Every Christmas, cards come wishing my family a Merry Holiday from loved ones all over the world. Ever since Mike and I have been married, I have saved these cards. Along with them, I have collected antique cards as well. Together the old and new greetings go up in my home as part of my holiday décor. I love the way it turns out, pretty little pieces of Christmas art all over my walls and doors!

Many of you know my love for Halloween, and that I’m an image junky. I can’t help but wish my Halloween walls had the same collection as my Christmas wall have. So to solve that problem, I decided to randomly select family and friends and invite them to participate in a Halloween card exchange.

   

The rules were simple. If one chose to take part, they would send me their address and I would send them mine. We then would send each other a Halloween card to celebrate the upcoming holiday.

So many cards and treats came! Day after day my mailbox brought me orange envelopes with Halloween cheer inside. I figured one door might hold the surprises, but the cards have branched out further and unto my walls!

I hope this might be a fun tradition! I’m so grateful for all those who took part and helped my collection to grow. You can bet your card will be treasured and up each year to help bring in the Halloween spirit. I hope you might join in again next year!

If you didn't get a message from me inviting you to join in and you’d like to, please let me know and I will add you to the list. Sadly a couple of my messages didn't go through as I had thought. Apparently, I attached too many people to it. It is very possible you were on a list but your invitation is still searching for you out in cyber space.  

I hope you all have a very Happy Halloween! Thanks again for all who brightening my smile and brought me spooky Halloween cheer! Already I can’t wait until next year!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My Personal Graveyard

After a long week my husband, Mike, and I wanted to do something different for a date. Mike grimaced at my idea but because he loves to see me smile, he followed me to an old cemetery with a roll of paper and charcoal in hand. We hunted the grounds reading names on the stones and studying the dates, figuring out when the poor souls left this life. Some gravestones were just rocks to us but there where others that called out. When this happened, we’d place the paper over the stone and with the charcoal, rub it causing an imprint of the history of who was buried under our feet.

We nearly filled the back seat of our car with rubbings! So many wanted do come home with us. We imagined that night, when all the ghost came out from their plots, they’d all gather together and some would brag about how their stone got picked, rubbed and how a piece of them got taken home with a living couple.

Upon returning home, I unrolled each paper and picked out my favorites. I then picked out a wall and began making my very own graveyard. To add effect, I covered the wall with black poster board and added a white moon with weeds around each of the stones. It looks amazing. Each stone has its own personality just as I imagined each of the people the stones represented did.

I think my new friends like being part of our home. I think they like being remembered again. All these graves were barren in the graveyard, they seemed sad with no flowers and just stones sticking out of the earth. In our home, they are full of life again. My kids run around playing, music is blaring, food is being cooked and friends come to visit. They gaze up at the stones reading the names and wondering who these people were and what made them smile or even cry. It’s nice to see the connection.

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I gathered my pillow and sheet and went down in the living room where my graveyard is. I laid down on the couch that is up against my cemetery wall. Right before I fell asleep, the thought came to me; I was now lying under all these graves! My first inkling was a little frightening but instead of getting up from under these stones, I stayed down and told Lilly Edwards, Cora L. Sasher, Willie Shipley and many more, ‘good night’. My bones have never rested as well as they did last night when they were under my graveyard friends.

Sometimes Losers Don’t Lose After All

A few weeks ago, I noticed a contest hosted by Gallery Nucleus. A favorite artist, Mab Graves, had offered one of her original pieces up for the show in which her latest series ‘The Runaways’ was being unveiled. The rules stated that one of the girls remained nameless and along with naming her, she needed personality traits. The fan with the most ‘likes’ on the name and description would win the original piece of art work. My heart jumped and though I knew the chances of winning were slim, something told me to try anyway.

I looked at the picture and the little girl seemed familiar in some odd way but I couldn't place her. The more I thought about names, the clearer it came in my mind. Cora Wren, the name I was never able to use because she was never born. After typing in her name, I let my fingers take over. It’s how I write. It’s up to my characters to tell me the story. Before I knew it, I had finished and couldn't help but like the little person I created. She was familiar because she had little traits as I did when I was a little girl. Of course she would always be busy and of course she’d always be looking out for the bad guys. And yes, she’d be drawn to abandoned homes because there is such emotion embedded in the layers of wall paper and knotted wood.

I was touched with the reaction from so many of my friends, family and even strangers as they rallied behind me. The ‘likes’ came and I watched with great hope that maybe Cora Wren was her name! Maybe I would win! Maybe my lost little daughter’s portrait would hang in my home.

It came down to the finale seconds between me and another contestant. I lost by 26 votes but in my heart I didn't. I cried when I lost but they were not sad tears. Yes, I was sad this little girl's name would be different than what I chose for her and I was sad her portrait wouldn't be hung on my wall, but my heart was full because of all the support I received from so many. I cannot begin to count the emails and private messages I received from those who rallied for me and from those who regretted not seeing the contest until it was too late. Because of this contest, I made new friends and I grew closer to those who love and support me.

 

After the contest ended, I posted on my facebook wall a message of gratitude to all those who tried so hard for me. Heartfelt replies came. Among them was one from the artist. I was deeply touched by her messages, the one that came privately and the one that was made public. The gallery which hosted the contest contacted me with beautiful words too. My heart was full. I soon discovered that Mab Graves was doing something special for me. You will never understand my excitement!

From out of my mail box, I opened a beautiful piece of art signed by the artist. Tears still fill my eyes as I look at it. To me, the little girl in the original painting will always be Cora Wren but when I look at this new girl, my spirit is touched even more. More because of so many friends, family and strangers, because of new friends and because of a gallery who hosted a show and of an artist who was touched by a little name.

Sometimes losers don’t lose after all.

Thank you for all those who made this possible! I will never forget! OXOXOXO

Please vist Mab Graves website: http://mabgraves.com/ to learn more about her and her art.

If you’re like me, you’ll visit her Etsy page often and find little treasures you just can’t live without : http://www.etsy.com/shop/mabgraves

Please visit Gallery Nucleus and support the artists they feature: http://www.gallerynucleus.com/

Better than Birds and Streams

Since the church I attend does not have paid clergy, it’s up to us members to do our part in assuring our Sunday meetings are taken care of. The service each of the members dedicates allows the church to run smoothly but that does not mean there aren't stressful times. Our first hour of worship is done in the Chapel. There we all meet together as a church family. Part of this hour speakers from the congregation share their messages they have been asked to talk on.

I knew my time was coming up to be a speaker and every week I escaped that hand delivered envelope, I breathed a little sigh of relief. But luck ended a few weeks ago and I grumbled even though there was a piece of chocolate taped to it.

Those who know me know I do what is required but I’d rather stay at home or sit back and watch others give their talks and listen to their messages. I find talking in front of a group terrifying! But I it do because I know I’m supposed to, we all take turns and we all have a special message to share.

I posted this on my facebook wall concerning my talk:

This Sunday, I have to give a talk and give a lesson. I just lost EVERYTHING on my computer that I've prepared. Hours gone! Talking for 15 min in front of a whole congregation & teaching for 45 min is not my kind of thing but I do it because I'm asked...now I just want to give up. Sunday I want to dip my feet in a creek & listen to the birds.

As you can imagine, I was in a bit of a panic! I am NOT an extrovert and standing and talking to people is scary for me, plus being a mother of 7 children, plus home schooling 4 of them I really don’t have time for things like this to happen.

These were the replies by some of my dear friends who came to my aid. Some go to the same church as I do, some have their own faith, and some don’t have a faith at all. I was touched as they came to my moment of need to offer support, humor and comfort. My soul was truly touched. I then knew I lost the talk for a reason, I was supposed to share this experience and incorporate it into what I was assigned to talk about.

~Everything happens for a reason! God must want you to listen to him and speak from the heart...I know you will do great!

~Pray, breathe, and it will come to you

~I say just skip it.  kidding!!!

~Are you sure it's gone? What happened?

~I would love to hear you speak. Your preparation is still in your heart and mind. God will draw out what he wants you to teach.

~Carrie..you are awesome and i think it doesnt matter what you talk about....from you,anything would be heartfelt and who wouldnt just be happy to hear whatever you speak of....remember that....:-):-):-)....<3<3jus sayinnn..

~you can talk about dippin your toes and listenin to the birds....maybe some need a reminder....the best things in life are free and happy and beautiful...:-):-):-)

~You always do a great job. Just speak from your heart. It overflows with love and they will feel it.

~How old is your version of Word?

~You'll do fine. You're a wordsmith.....and a mom of many! This too shall pass!

~you have a beautiful heart and a willing spirit, so I know God will bless whatever you have to share.

~Ok Carrie. You give the talk-which will be wonderful, and the lesson-which will be great, and I'll sit with you on the creek bank and listen to the birds.

~I agree with Tracy and Sherry about speaking from the heart. Part of the typing and working through the message was a preparation in itself. I bet you could tie the story into the message at some juncture too. I usually find that in retrospect, interesting detours become clearer in reason.

This was my reply: 

Thanks everyone. Working hard on it today & I'll try to speak from the heart up there. The problem is, I'm a better writer than speaker. I get so upset and flustered just standing up there and talking. I have to think about every word. Most people think I'd be a good speaker because Mike is such an amazing one and so often people put husband & wife together as one, but speaking is not a talent I have. He stands alone with being so good at it, I'm far on the other end. It's terrifying to me. It literally makes me sick. I wish I had more confidence but I don't. It will be okay though. I got the lesson all down last night & today my mind is where it needs to be. I know with the help from the Spirit, I can do it. But I do look forward to it all being over & then maybe I'll take that walk and dip my feet in the creek & listen to the birds. I'm sure the Spirit will follow me there & it will be even more beautiful.

Love you all SO much! Thanks for thinking about me my heart is so full, I have happy tears. OXOXOXO
Oh, and I found out the talk is for 10 min not 15:)

The topic of my talk was: Strengthening the Feeble Knees, and Lifting Up the Hands Which Hang Down.

Oh, how appropriate! I believe these people who stopped and gave me a message where prompted by the Spirit. They knew, in some way, I needed to be uplifted. Through their words, I was touched by the Spirit. I then believed I could do it again, I would not give up. They believed in me.

Instead of having to prepare a new talk, the Spirit prompted me to share this facebook experience. After the talk, I was greeted by so many with words of gratitude but it’s not me who should be thanked. All thanks go to those who took a moment in my time of need and strengthened my feeble knees and lifted me up again. I will always remember this experience.

That evening, I did take that walk to the creek and I did dip my feet in the water and there I said a prayer, thanking those who helped me. The evening became more beautiful and the birds sang sweeter tunes. The flowers seemed to open up more and the creek bed was litter free.

As much as I think I would like to be alone with just the natural world around me, how gloomy it would really be without friends who take the time for each of us.

Special thanks to:

Tracy Overfelt, Cleta McCreey Huston, Mandy Billingsley, Fred Hanselmann, Rebekah Stanley, Rhonda Filetti, Sherry Bailey-Daniels, Chantell Osejo, Cyndi Pilotte-Sanders, Linda Robinson Brendle, Phyllis Wangsgard, Troy Rickertsen.